Saturday, 14 July 2012

A lonely business

Between the hours of 7am and 7pm, I sit in my quiet house (unless the bastard neighbours are home) listening to nothing but my own thoughts, my meowing cat and the scratching from the Bearded Dragon's tank as he desperately tries to scratch his way through glass (and onto freedom.... or more likely... death by the claws of a psychotic cat). Facebook is open constantly as is whatever word document I'm working on; new stories, a sheet of random ideas mixed into one another, various letters to companies just to annoy the crap out of them or even a word document filled with the words 'all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy'. It's the same for six out of seven days a week and, I won't lie, it can be lonely.

Years ago, stuck in an office, I was chomping at the bit to make writing my career. Now I actually have achieved what I want to achieve and taken the step to do it full-time, I've realised I'm not as much of a Hermit as I make out. Well, in some ways anyway. Outside in the Real World, I'm quick to flare up if something angers me, I'm normally hot and bothered and I'm uncomfortable in large crowds - a feeling that I continually have to look over my shoulder on the off-chance I'm to bump into someone I don't want to see (not that this usually happens.... I'm just paranoid about it for some reason). Yet, when I'm at home - I find myself WISHING I was able to function 'normally' within social situations!

Don't misunderstand me, I'm happy with what I do (happier if it paid all the bills though!) but it's made me come to realise - I'm the sort of miserable bastard who will always struggle to find true inner peace in their life. Hell, at this rate I'll probably end up turning to religion (might even start my own cult if you wish to join me).

I prefer writing 'horror' because it's more my style. I'm comfortable with it. But, and it's a big one, it can get hard listening to the voices of the crazed, day in and day out, whilst you're writing their story. You have to let them into your head and listen to all they say in order to try and get them across properly, to the reader, in your stories. Sometimes, writing these little horror books can put you in one hell of a bad mood!

Once a book is completed, I feel as though the Evil from the character is flushed from my system and I can relax a little. Sometimes even going a step further and becoming truly manic - delirious with joy that I've cracked another book out. These are the fun times - the times where I find myself writing to various companies just to try and get under their skin; weird, wacky, wonderful letters (which I always go onto publish!) And then another dark character comes into my head and off I go again until I'm back to the happy state...

Weird, I used to think the ups and downs would be over - when I gave up 'normal' work but... now I realise, no matter what I do, they're here to stay. The only difference is - there's not as many people to witness them.

No comments:

Post a Comment